Friday 31 October 2014

A Reviewer Misunderstands Your Ironic Self-Help Book

Signs of a problem: rating drops; critical review count increases.

The symptoms: rejection; defensiveness.

You’ve written an ironic self-publishing guide, because, let’s face it, you’re a pretty big deal now that you’ve had some badges featuring your cover specially printed. You know it won’t be everybody’s cup of tea, but you’re okay with that.

Then it happens: the one-star review.

It includes all the nasty one-star clich├ęs like ‘I’m glad this was cheap’, ‘I’ll never read another book by this author’, ‘I wish I knew how to delete books from my eReader’ and ‘I wish I could give it no stars’ all under the title ‘Smug claptrap. This woman cannot be serious. Terrible advice and unrealistic situations.’

Suddenly, you’re not ‘okay with that’.

Do not respond to the reviewer saying, “You misunderstood my book, you frigging, humourless pillock.” Do not copy and paste the dictionary definition of satire. Do not say, “I’ll never read another of your reviews, either – hah!” Do not beg the reviewer to try another of your books. Do not say, “I’m not smug. I’m funny. You obviously have no sense of humour.”

Just quietly enjoy the fact that the reviewer does not possess the level of intelligence necessary to identify satire, when you and all your talented friends do. You can’t help having an IQ of 135 (snigger).

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