Sunday, 12 October 2014

A Reader Stops Having a Crush on You

Signs of a problem: progressively less frequent emails.

The symptoms: self-doubt; fear; loneliness; grief.

Mocking the reader who sends you daily photos of his foot used to be a popular pastime. (“That tattoo on his left toe doesn’t even look like me! Ha ha ha!”) But then suddenly the photos stop. You don’t notice at first. But a week goes by and not a single inappropriate photo makes it into your inbox.

What? Your fan has given up? But why would he give up? What is wrong with you? Was your latest release not as splendid as your other work? Are you looking flabby in your latest press photo? Has he, heavens no, met another author?

It is important to remember that frequency and severity of crazed fans is not the only measure of success. If you’re feeling a little rejected, re-read some five star reviews to remind yourself how totally splendid you are. Then, consider releasing a photograph of yourself happening to wear lingerie (disguised as a publicity shot so that you don’t look like a sell-out). You will soon generate a new admirer and, if you’re lucky, that person may also buy a copy of your book

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